It’s All Gonna Be Magnificent

anxiety, beauty, blogger, christian living, Faith, God, inspiration, Uncategorized

“And there she stands

Throwing both her arms around the world

The world that doesn’t even know

How much it needs this little girl

It’s all gonna be magnificent, she says.”


Whenever I listen to these words from the beautiful, heart-stirring song by “Elbow”, it brings so many images to my mind. 
I see me. How and WHO I want to be. 
I see her vividly in my mind. 


She is laughing. 

She is Free. 

Dancing.

 
Smiling so big that it makes her crinkle her nose. The same smile that she knows her husband fell in love with her, many, many years ago. She still smiles and laughs, but is it the same? Is it as often, back when life seemed easier? More simple?

 
I see the “little girl” that I used to be. The me before “life got in the way.” Life has been beautiful and I Thank God for all my blessings. My husband. My beautiful daughter. I have truly been blessed beyond measure. But, like most of you, I have experienced pain and darkness. Sometimes I feel like it’s taken its toll on my spirit.

 
When this song plays, I see the woman I want to be. A woman who puts her wholehearted trust and confidence in God each and every day. Who believes that He will walk with her through whatever might come her way. Shouldn’t she know that, and have the deepest faith, because He’s always been with her, even in her darkest hours? She wants to believe that God will give her the desires of her heart, and He KNOWS her heart’s desires.

 
“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” Proverbs 31:25 


Do I want to be that woman?! Do I want to laugh without fear of the future? A resounding Yes! 


Do I want anxiety do my constant companion? 

Do I want fear to STOP Me? 


Can I use this fear, instead, as a CATALYST to drive me forward into the direction, the path, I want to go? Sometimes I think we get to a point in our lives where we get so fed up with… so tired of the way we’ve been living. The roadblocks standing in our way. 


And then we feel this anger rise within us. An anger because, we KNOW, we deserve better than this. We deserve to be treated better than we have been treating ourselves. We become angry at the Enemy for the lies and doubts he’s instilled within us, that we have been listening to for FAR TOO LONG. 


I know that God is walking with me on this journey. He knows where I’ve been. He knows my heart. He knows the power of Satan, and God knows the lies that I have held onto.

 
He’s been working on my heart. This has been a year of “growing pains.” 

Growth. 

Stagnancy.

 
A stirring. 


It’s painful to grow. But it is worth it! 


If you feel stuck, you can get out. A seed has to be planted in the ground, and it works hard to break out of its shell and through the earth to blossom into beauty. To see the sun and the light, sometimes it takes going through darkness. And it takes time. Patience. 


There’s a place where I want to be, and our family to be, that I envision.

 
Striving. 

Trying. 

Growing. 

Learning.


There’s been Resistance. It makes me laugh, because Satan sees. He sees me. He sees this stirring within me, the things I’m trying to let go of, and the good things of God that I’m trying to cling to. And he doesn’t want me to say goodbye to him. He wants to dwell in my heart, soul, spirit, and mind.

 
But he doesn’t belong there.

 
God does. 


And I laugh, because I know that…

“It’s All Gonna Be Magnificent.”

The Bricks

blogger, christian living, inspiration, lifestyle, Uncategorized

That’s what the place where all the “cool kids” would hang out was called at my high school. I think it’s funny looking back now, that the cool, popular kids had a name that everyone knew belonged to them. It was their territory. Of course, there were bricks, literal bricks, where they all hung out in the courtyard.

Notice I say, “they, and not “we.” For I was not a part of this exclusive, non-inclusive group. It always kind of bothered me that I was not a part of this group, and I wondered how I could make the cut.

As years have passed, and I think back to those days of being a teenager trying to figure out who she was, I realize that, you know what? I am THANKFUL!

Thankful that I was NOT a part of that group. For these high schoolers were, for the most part, snobs (just being honest!) They didn’t even look the way of those standing outside the circle.

Instead, I found myself with a small group of friends, the ones who needed a friend. Who were real, not fake. Who were unique. Different, in a good way. They were funny. Made me laugh! Some of them were considered “weird” or “outsiders”. This felt like a good place to be. Because I could be me.

And isn’t that one of THE BEST feelings to have…to feel like you belong? Like you can be yourself, your very true self – quirks and all!

To be honest, along the way and even to this day, sometimes I still feel this desire to be a part of a group where deep inside I feel like I don’t belong. The longing to belong doesn’t just go away after high school. Neither does the temptation to get the “name brand” so that maybe you’ll have a better chance. At some point, maybe you’ll get in that group, or “be there” …the place you’ve always wanted to be. In the circle. Standing at “The Bricks”.

But, in that group, are you…You? Can your true colors shine through and you’ll have no fear of being judged, but instead be embraced with love and grace? Are you the person you know you need to be?

Wherever you are in life right now, whatever season of life, age, or location on the map…I encourage you to be YOU. I know it sounds cliche, but it is something that once you have that mindset, to be free to be you, and to LOVE who you are, you will find Freedom!

And then others will follow your lead. They’ll say, “I want that.” She/He is secure in their own skin. And they can’t be bothered with what anyone thinks about them!

I think once you are yourself, you will find your tribe. The ones who will support and encourage you. “Your people.” And sometimes you have to work hard to find your tribe. You can’t just sit there and do nothing and expect the tribe to magically form. It does take work. Time. Effort. But it’s so worth it!

If you find yourself in a tribe already, don’t make it non-inclusive. Let’s not be like the cool kids at “The Bricks”, shunning those who aren’t in it…rolling our eyes at the ones who we feel don’t belong.

I think about Jesus, and where would he have hung out if had gone to my high school. Would he have stood at The Bricks, turning a blind eye to the young, insecure, lost girl or boy just walk past by with their head looking down? Afraid even to make eye contact.

I think we know the answer to that question.

Where am I going to stand? Where are you going to stand? At The Bricks?

Or are we going to go outside the circle and find that lost person, hold their hand, and let them feel and know that they are loved? That they are seen. That they BELONG.

Wellington

blogger, exploring, inspiration, Live, New Zealand, travel, Uncategorized

As I watched the ferries glide into the harbor from the South Island, in Wellington, New Zealand – at Oriental Bay, I felt like the world was at my feet. I felt a burning desire to explore. To discover. There was energy in this place. Culture. People awakening before the sun to run along the harbor. Fishermen getting into their boats excited for a day out on the sea. I felt Alive here. Each day felt like a new day in Wellington. The world was yours for the taking. Looking out at the vast ocean, the seagulls flying above me, I felt in my heart that today was the day to seize. And to take a photograph of this place in your mind – to carry this energy, this passion for life, inside of you forever.

Onward

blogger, blogging, exploring, inspiration, lifestyle, travel, Uncategorized

I walk across the creaking, wooden bridge and climb aboard the ship.

No one asks to see my ticket.

I’ve found it at last.

My vessel.

The vessel to take me away.

Away from here.

I’m an explorer.

I need to see new lands.

The salty scent in the air

Of the sea

Invigorates my soul.

The seagulls glide beside me.

They look at me.

I see smiles on their faces.

We’re both free.

The ship leaves port.

Onward I go.

Where am I going?

I don’t know.

I don’t care.

I look down at my compass.

No matter.

I’m going where I’m supposed to be going.

That’s where the wind will take me.

Laugh

beauty, blogger, blogging, dance, inspiration, lifestyle, Live, Uncategorized

“Savour.

Meet with who and what Inspires you.

Linger like you belong.

Do not be rushed.

Laugh as much as you can.

Remember being alive today was a Beautiful thing.

You have Songs inside you.

The earth is waiting for her to Dance.”

-S.C. Lourie

Away From Me

blogger, blogging, christian living, christianity, Faith, God, mental health, Uncategorized

You’ve taken over
I’ve surrendered to you
Unknowingly.
You crept in.
You invaded.
Now you are in my territory.
My mind.
The white flag I’ve raised to you.

How did you get here?
When?
Why?

How could I have let you?
You crossed over the moat.
Neither the river
Nor the iron gates stopped you.

Did I forget to close the gate?

I want my mind back.
My territory.
That’s mine.

I want me back again.
Where did she go?
Where has she gone?

Now you are all I hear.

Blinding me.
Taking me as prisoner. 

Lying to me.

And now I’ve taken the heavy stick
Away from you
And now I use it as a weapon
Against myself.

You’re so conniving.
So smart.
I see your smirk.

You’ve manipulated me.

Now I see myself 
The way you want me to.

You’re laughing.
Laughing as I spiral downward.
As my thoughts take me captive.
Shame.
Guilt.
Anger.
Bitterness.
Unforgiveness.
Oh, you have me just where you want me!

Stop laughing.
Away from me!
Get thee Away from me, Satan!

God is weeping.

“Get thee Away from her!”
He calls down to you.

Down in the depths
Where you creep,
And where you dwell on earth,
In the hearts and minds of His creation.

“She is my Daughter!
I am her Father!”

And the war wages.

You fight.
You’ve fought so hard.
So well.

You’ve been a strong enemy.

God intervenes.
In His majesty,
Through His creation
He sends down from heaven,
And He fights.
He stands by my side.

He storms into the castle.

His wrath against you
Is a fierce sight to behold.

His roaring rage
Sends you scurrying away.
Like a scared dog,
Whimpering and shivering,
Shuddering,
You slither away.

Away from me.
Out of the territory
That never belonged to you.
My mind.
My heart.

I can laugh again.
Smile.
Dance.
Rejoice.

For I am me Again.

The damage has been done
By the enemy.
But God will Restore.
Redeem.
Forgive.

I am Free.

Who I Am & Why I Write

blogger, blogging, travel, Uncategorized

Who Am I?

Sometimes it feels like I’ve forgotten how to answer that question. Who have I become? I’ve changed over the years. Don’t we all? 


This is who I am. I am a Dreamer. A creator. 


I am a Wife. A Mother. Who loves her husband and her daughter with all of her heart.

 
I am a Traveler. A Wanderer. A Writer. 

I am a deep soul. I am a child of a King.

God’s daughter.

 
A friend. A visionary. Leader. 


I am a Warrior.

I have fought a battle. 

A battle that led me to where I am today.

That changed me. 

That is now part of my story. 

I am a Warrior.

Creating.

Creating this blog. 
Because I want to. 

Because I HAVE to.


God gave me a gift.

A talent.

The gift of writing.

 
From the time I was a little girl, 

The pen has always been in my hand. 

Spiral notebooks filled with the writings of my heart. 

The creative imaginings from my mind. 
I’ve traveled the world. 

I’ve lived abroad.

I’ve climbed across volcanoes and looked down into the depths of its crater. 

I’ve climbed mountains –

Literally and figuratively. 


I’ve married my soulmate. The one who I could never imagine my life without him. Who I would follow to the ends of the earth. 


I’ve brought our beautiful little girl into this world. She is the light of our lives! 


I’ve fought a battle.

An illness called postpartum depression.


I’ve learned that healing is sometimes a long journey.

I’ve seen that God works in Mysterious ways.

That He is the ultimate Healer. 

I’ve been wounded. 

And I’ve been healed. 

I have fallen.

And I have risen.

 
Through all of this,

I know in my heart that I have so much to say. 

And so I want to help others.

I want to share my journey with others.

To inspire.

To share with others what I’m learning 

Through this beautiful, But sometimes, hard, thing called Life.

I want to talk about my travels. 

My experiences. 

I want to make you laugh. 

Sometimes what I write might make you cry.

 
I write because I have to. It gives me purpose.


I would be honored to have you walk alongside me. To hear my stories. 

For you to know you’re not alone.

I want to be real.

 I want you to see the Beauty. 

The Wonder. 

The Mystery.

The Hope.

 
I walk along the path

Finding that there are unexpected twists and turns. 

There are mountains to climb,

Rivers to cross. 

Flower-filled meadows to dance through.
At times, our compass stops working. 

We get lost. 

And we find our way again.


Just keep on going, I will. 

Backpack upon my shoulders, 

Compass in my hands. 

Mountains and valleys ahead in view, I continue to walk. 

Life is a beautiful journey, 

And I don’t want to be afraid

To step outside my door. 

There’s a whole world out there, And I cannot wait to see it!

 
My hope for myself, and for you, is this: 

“Let Faith, NOT Fear, be your compass.”