The Seed

inspiration, poetry, Uncategorized

Ascending.
Rising above.

Heart fragile.
You will not break it.

I feel it.
This rising.
Rising above.
Do not hold me down.

Planted.
Growing.
Trying,
Trying to grow.

Growth does not happen
Without pain.
Pain.
Hurts to grow,
But hurts to stand still.

Fighting,
Pushing,
Pushing through this shell
Barricading me from the sun.
I long for the light.
Long to see it,
Feel it.

Change.
I am rising.
I am breaking,
Breaking free.
Splintering through the layers
To become.
Out of the hiding.
Away from the dark earth.

Now, I am Rising.
Now you will see me.

Watch me.
Watch me grow.
Out of my way!
Breaking free.

Time.
Time to blossom.
To produce forth fruit,
Goodness.
For the fragrant flowers
To permeate the air.
Fruit.
Life.
Beauty.
This is my Destiny.
I know what I can offer
It is within me.
I blossomed once, or twice,
Once upon a time.
Then retreated,
Back into the earth.

Deep in the earth,
It’s Dark.
Cold. Lonely.
Suffocating.
A stagnant seed.
Potential.
Waiting.
Waiting for the right time.

The water flows down,
Washes over me.
I hear the gardener,
His voice,
Calling.
Gently whispering,
Then speaking,
Breathing,
Life into existence.

“It’s time now,”
He says.

Ascending.
Rising above.
The shell,
Gone.
The earth
I have broken through.
It lies below me
As I rise.

Freedom.
The sun.
Light, again.
Life,
Adrenaline courses through my veins.
Arms extending,
Leaves forming.
Transforming.
Transcending.
Flowers on my arms,
Blossoms bursting into bloom.
Too many to count.
Counting my blessings,
Admiring the fruit
And the flowers that are now me.

You did not stop me
From growing
From becoming.

I am Free.
I am me.
Now let me be.

The Wren

anxiety, depression, Faith, inspiration, mental health, postpartum depression, Uncategorized

The wren came to me during my darkest hour.
I was sick.
The sun wasn’t shining.
It was raining.
Clouds covered the heavens.
I was lost.
Lost in terrifying, paralyzing thoughts.
Thoughts I’d never had before.
That were not me.
That rose up within me a feeling that was truly paralyzing me.
Anxiety.
I had just given birth to our daughter a month before.
My husband and I’s first child.

So, why did I feel this way?
Where was the elation?
The happiness?
It was like someone had injected poison into my veins.
Fear.
Worry.
Dread.
Panic.
I was sick.

The postpartum depression was powerful.
It was a living, breathing being.
It truly had a life of its own.
It had become the enemy.
It was my enemy.
Attacking me.
I was fighting back, desperately.
Fighting just to stay alive.
It felt like it was winning.

Every day I would awaken to the sound of black crows.
“Ca caw!! Ca caw!!”
Dread.
Just before the sun would arise each day,
While darkness filled the sky,
The panic attacks would overtake me.
During those three months, I awoke to a panic attack.
And I awoke to the sound of the enemy outside my window.
The black crow taunting me.
And seeing the buzzards that lived in the dead tree behind the house.

Imagine the fear I had!
The visual imagery.
It was winter.
Everything was dead around me.
The buzzards looked down upon me from the towering, lifeless tree.

Hopeless.
I wanted to live, and yet I wanted the suffering to end.

I stood outside that day.
Staring up at the sky.
A break in the clouds.
I saw the sunlight streaming down from heaven.
And then, I heard him.
Faint at first, and then its song reverberated throughout the dark forest.
The melody was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard.
I couldn’t see the bird.
I didn’t see him for a long time.

Days later, I sat in the living room, feeling especially depressed that particular moment.
I stood up and walked to the back window.
And then, I saw him.
He sat on the red rocking chair on the back porch.
Facing my direction.
We were merely two feet away from one another.
I stood still.
He looked at me.
Our eyes locked and we both stared into each other’s eyes.
This is why I believe in Magic.
This is why I believe in God.
In miracles.
In that moment, I felt like that bird was talking to me.
He was telling me, “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”

And then, I found something I’d been searching for.
Hope.
Hope flooded my heart.
I knew in that moment, that God was with me.
He had not forsaken me.
From that day forward, I kept seeing and hearing that bird.
That bird called a Carolina wren.
It became known as “my wren”.

He made a nest outside my window.
I started hearing the crows less and less.
I’d awaken to the sound of the wren singing his song outside my window.
Singing so loudly.
Scaring away the enemy.
God is in the whisper of the wind,
He’s in the things we deem as “small.”
Like this tiny, little bird that is known for being shy.
My wren was not shy.
He was sent down from heaven to give me hope.
He knew he had to work his magic.
And he had come at just the right time.
When hope had been failing me.

It was still a journey,
But with the Spring came my healing.
At last.

With the Spring came new life.
The wren’s nest outside my window
Now housed a family of tiny, baby wrens.
Life was beginning again.
Healing.
Redemption.
Life.
I was alive.
God had saved me.
He sent me a wren.
Yes, the wren came to me during my darkest hour.

[Photography credit: Tom Mann]

Feel

blogging, christian living, inspiration, Live, Uncategorized

People rush.
Rush.
We rush.
Hurry.
Run.
Don’t stop.
No time to stop and think.
Get the coffee faster.
Race to work.
Bound by time.
Slaves to our jobs.
Slaves to our phones.

No time.
No time to think.
Distract.
Numb.
Don’t think.
It’s too painful.
Where will it take us?
What will happen if we just stop?

We are afraid to know, so we avoid.
Run, run, run away.
We aren’t present.

We don’t see the Beauty that is all around us.

Stop.

Let the clock come to a halting stop.
Let the papers pile upon the desk for a moment.
Let the phone turn off.
Let the noise quiet down.
Let the pen stop writing in the calendar.

Turn off the music.
Rid yourself of all the distractions.

Stop.

And then Start.

Start the feeling.
Start feeling again.
It’s okay.
And begin the healing.
The healing you are avoiding because the process towards it seems so scary.
Start to open your heart.
When we stop, what do we do now?
We listen.
We can hear without all the noise.
We can hear.
The birds singing.
The whispering of God to our souls through the wind.
We can hear our hearts desires.
We might feel the pain along the way, but
This is part of life’s journey.

There’s joy. There is suffering.

There is darkness.
And there is radiant light.
It rises up in the sky every morning,
Even if the clouds cover the sun,
It still shines.

And the Light is God.
He is the light.
And he has created light within all of us.

“Where has my light gone?” You may wonder.
But it is still there.
Yes, Life gets in the way sometimes.
But the You that God created you to be still remains.
You may feel lost.
You will find your way.

Stop running. Rushing. Hiding. Avoiding.

And FEEL.
Feel this life.
Don’t be afraid.
Don’t be afraid to live.

Wellington

blogger, exploring, inspiration, Live, New Zealand, travel, Uncategorized

As I watched the ferries glide into the harbor from the South Island, in Wellington, New Zealand – at Oriental Bay, I felt like the world was at my feet. I felt a burning desire to explore. To discover. There was energy in this place. Culture. People awakening before the sun to run along the harbor. Fishermen getting into their boats excited for a day out on the sea. I felt Alive here. Each day felt like a new day in Wellington. The world was yours for the taking. Looking out at the vast ocean, the seagulls flying above me, I felt in my heart that today was the day to seize. And to take a photograph of this place in your mind – to carry this energy, this passion for life, inside of you forever.

What’s for Dinner?! Balsamic Chicken & Patatas Bravas

cooking, food, foodie, lifestyle, recipes, Uncategorized

Writing about food is not my forte, so I’m just gonna keep it short, and very simple!

Here are the pics and here is the recipe!

The balsamic chicken paired well with the patatas bravas, a dish from Spain – potatoes with a hint of spiciness and exploding with flavor!

Side note: I added two tablespoons of Dijon mustard and a dash more of Italian seasoning than the original recipe called for. And right before putting the dish in the oven, I generously sprinkled sea salt onto the chicken and vegetables. This girl loves sea salt!

This meal turned out amazing! Thankful I found these recipes, now I’m passing them onto you! Enjoy!!

Onward

blogger, blogging, exploring, inspiration, lifestyle, travel, Uncategorized

I walk across the creaking, wooden bridge and climb aboard the ship.

No one asks to see my ticket.

I’ve found it at last.

My vessel.

The vessel to take me away.

Away from here.

I’m an explorer.

I need to see new lands.

The salty scent in the air

Of the sea

Invigorates my soul.

The seagulls glide beside me.

They look at me.

I see smiles on their faces.

We’re both free.

The ship leaves port.

Onward I go.

Where am I going?

I don’t know.

I don’t care.

I look down at my compass.

No matter.

I’m going where I’m supposed to be going.

That’s where the wind will take me.

Laugh

beauty, blogger, blogging, dance, inspiration, lifestyle, Live, Uncategorized

“Savour.

Meet with who and what Inspires you.

Linger like you belong.

Do not be rushed.

Laugh as much as you can.

Remember being alive today was a Beautiful thing.

You have Songs inside you.

The earth is waiting for her to Dance.”

-S.C. Lourie